I wish I was making this up...

... but my imagination's not that good.

WARNING: the following post contains material that may be offensive to some readers.  I am having a bit of a rant about lovesick Bangladeshi males being unable to take a hint and f$@% off.  This includes sharing some of the ridiculous text messages I have received for comedic value.  The lowest form of comedy, really, to pick on others.  But enough is enough.  And they are quite funny.

So despite many warnings (the fire-and-brimstone talk from Baz Dog, our in-country manager, about how Bangladeshis have visions of Bollywood-style weddings raining Australian passports when they see a bideshi woman... lots of Bangla songs being about how some guy is going to kill himself because a girl doesn't know he exists... learning that "love suicides" are quite common in Bangladesh when a guy has been rejected) I should have already been alerted to the dire state of romantic relations in Bangladesh.  I hadn't really taken much of this stuff seriously, thinking that it would never happen to me.

But this was not taking into account that I am an unmarried woman living in regional Bangladesh.  The concept of a woman being financially independent and not needing to marry is totally foreign.  I have short hair, I ride a bike, I talk back to the males around me, I have a university education, I have my own money to spend how I like, I have travelled overseas...  Basically the opposite of every other woman in town.  While I wouldn't describe myself as having been whacked with the ugly stick, I'm no Angelina Jolie either.  So all of this male attention is somewhat puzzling, and definitely not something I am used to.

Missed calls and prank calls are a fact of life in Bangladesh.  People try calling random numbers hoping to "make friendship" with the person who answers.  It's the same with Facebook.  People will invite friends of friends, even if they don't know who they are.  For them, it truly is "social networking"... a way of expanding their social circle.  Now, there are 150 million people in this country.  So of course there are going to be some nut jobs.  There are far more lovely people than crazy ones.  But it seems that I have met a disproportionately high number of people from the first group (i.e. the nut jobs) who send numerous text messages with what could be considered suggestive content.  More than just "hi, how are you".

I should have kept a track on these, cos they are quite hilarious.  But in my exasperation, I wasn't thinking of that.  I just wanted to purge my phone of these intrusions on my privacy.  So this isn't the most "suggestive" example, but it is a classic.  Last week I received the following text message:

Hi,MONOGA.How are you?Tnk u r fine.I am [name removed - see, I'm not TOTALLY mean] from ctg.BNG.Monoga u dont know me but i know u.monoga i like u very much at da first sightof.if u free then call

(followed a few seconds later by part 2)

Me.Plz.I m waiting for ur calling.

Weird - but slightly amusing.  A declaration of love at first sight!

Then, after getting numerous calls that I didn't answer from a relative of one of my patients, a guy who would be in his early 20s, I got the following text:

How r u SHOSHI? If i may to meet u after the noon? If u r free & in Shitakund. ok! Ops! Ofcours thinking what SHOSHI means. Will tell u later. Bye!

Now - I didn't know what shoshi meant.  Shosha means cucumber, but I suspect that's not really a term of endearment here.  So after a quick text to Carly, to ask her colleague what "shoshi" means, I sent the following reply:

I am sorry if I have not been clear. I wish to maintain strictly professional relationships with all clients and their families. This means no phone calls or meetings that are not related to my work as a therapist. This may sound rude but it is for the benefit of everyone.

Direct, but not mean.  I thought.  But of course I was forgetting that nobody understands the concept of "professional relationship" here.  In Australia, people understood when you refused to give out any information about yourself.  But here... it opened the floodgates of emotion, and I received the following texts:

I like this kind mentality.But u misunderstood.I really admire u.U seem to be angele to me, who is doing a great for our disabled children.Dont make it official [HUH?!?]

Those whome i like much i give them a name. I told u Shoshi. It means moon. Ok! I'll never call u again. Forgive me.

Then this morning:

It's really rude&hurt me hard.I couldnt set my mind in study couldnt sleep. It's really harmful for my exam. Pls let me know that u forgiven me.

Im sorry. But i sent u text. Dint call u. Pls don send a sms again saying "sorry if i am not clear NO TEXT" At least allow me send u text pls

God!  I think getting He's Just Not That Into You translated into Bangla is an urgent priority for this country.  Screw sex education... they need basic education on how to recognise when someone is politely rejecting their advances.  I don't want to be rude.  I want to be culturally sensitive, create a good image of foreigners etc etc... but it seems that subtlety doesn't work.

Or should I stop whingeing?  I used to complain that nobody was interested in me!  Should I be flattered by all this attention?

Forget squat toilets, eating with my right hand, wearing the salwar kameez, learning Bangla, the confronting sight of poverty everywhere you look, the seeming hopelessness of the entire system in Bangladesh without knowing where to start to tackle the problems... the most difficult thing I'm facing here is all the bloody unwanted attention from the crazy men!